Write it down
by maltdorge
Summary: Holly is struggling to find the right words to say what's on her mind. - I'm not a native, sorry for any mistakes.


**Write it down**

Holly sighed and peered out the window. It was a beautiful winter morning. The sun was shining brightly on the snow-covered city, and in the distance she could hear children playing in the streets. It was one of those mornings people pictured while thinking of 'a perfect Christmas morning'. Holly, however, hadn't slept very well and she felt tired. But since it was such a lovely day, she decided to walk to the lab. It gave her extra time to think and the fresh air would do her good. She had been tossing and turning all night, thinking about Gail. There was so much Holly wanted to tell her, but she didn't know how.

She needed to talk to someone about it, so she sent a quick text to Rachel to meet her for lunch. Rachel was her best friend, she understood Holly and always managed to say the right things. And she had been there the day Lisa had almost ruined everything. Rachel would help her.

* * *

><p>"Hey, thanks for coming!" Holly gave her friend a hug and settled in the seat in front of her.<br>"No problem, I'm always there for you. You know that." Rachel smiled reassuringly at Holly. "You sounded a bit upset. Is everything alright?"  
>Holly sighed and looked at her hands. "Yes… No… I don't know. I just wanted to talk."<br>"Is this about Gail?" Rachel tilted her head and tried to look into Holly's eyes.  
>"It always is, isn't it?" Holly shifted in her seat and continued to twiddle with her fingers. "I went to see her at work a couple of days ago. I know you said that I should move on. But I just couldn't. I think about her all the time, I missed her. I mean, I just … "<br>"It's okay, Holly." Rachel took Holly's hand and squeezed it. "I know you tried to forget her, but I know you. I could see you weren't happy. How did it go, what did she say?"  
>Holly chuckled thinking about what happened that day. "I lied to her, saying I had found a report full of inconsistencies. So I took her into an empty interrogation room and I kissed her. And it was like heaven, Rachel. It felt so good. And then we agreed we had to talk, but she had a thing. So we saw each other the next day and we talked about what happened that night with Lisa. "<br>"Oh, are you still fighting?"  
>"No, we made up. We're together again."<br>"That's great! But why are you upset then?" Rachel gave Holly a confused glance.  
>"Because I love her, and I want to tell her but I just don't know how. You know, I don't think I can explain to her what I feel. Especially when she's looking at me. Because, those eyes, you know, those eyes…" Holly sighed and looked out the window, trying to blink away the tears. "You know she actually believed she wasn't good enough for me? I don't want that to happen again. I want her to know how I feel about her."<p>

Rachel thought about it for a moment. She sipped her coffee and looked at Holly before squeezing her hand again. "I'm going to tell you a story. My grandparents have had a very happy marriage.", she started. "When I was a little girl, it was my goal to find someone who could make me as happy as they were with each other. One day I asked my grandfather about the secret to a successful marriage. He laughed and told me there isn't really one. He explained that relationships require a lot of work and dedication and stressed that communication is key. He also told me that whenever he couldn't explain to my grandmother how he felt, he would write it down so she could read it later. This gave him time to think about it and formulate his feelings in the best possible way so she understood perfectly what he meant. It worked quite well for them. It might work for you…"

Holly was still looking out the window, absorbed in thought. They sat in silence for a moment while Holly considered what Rachel had just told her. She smiled at her friend and finished her tea. "I guess I could try to write it down. Thank you, Rachel. You're a great friend. You always know what to say."  
>"You're welcome, Holls. I have to get back to work though. Will you let me know how it worked out?"<br>"I should head back to the morgue too. Of course I'll let you know. Thanks again for listening. And for the great advice!" Holly hugged her friend again and put on her coat. She had a plan in mind and she was determined to make it work. She couldn't wait to get back home.

* * *

><p>Holly had decided that she would write Gail a poem. But it wasn't as easy as she had initially thought. She had been pondering and meditating about it all night, and eventually she had only slept for three hours. Holly re-read the poem again. She had never been good at finding the right words in romantic situations. She was a scientist, not a poet. And she was painfully aware of that fact now. She probably wouldn't let Gail read it. It was embarrassingly bad she thought. She put the poem on her desk and decided she needed a hot shower to clear her head.<p>

She just was just reaching for a towel when the doorbell rang. She draped the towel around her body and hurried to the door. She had hardly opened it, when two strong arms flew around her and dragged her in a tight embrace.

"Hey, sweetheart, what's going on?" Holly asked while looking into Gail's eyes. The blonde sighed, pulled Holly closer and pressed her face against the doctor's neck. "Nothing, I'm just glad I'm finally here." Holly smiled and returned the hug. When they were just friends, Gail had told her she didn't do hugs, because that was not how she communicated. She did however seem to make an exception for Holly, which made the pathologist feel warm inside whenever she thought of it.

"I'm going to get dressed and then we can watch a movie or something, okay? You just make yourself at home while I'm getting ready. You know where to find the snacks, right?" Holly grinned at the happy look on Gail's face when she mentioned the word 'snack'. She pressed a quick kiss on Gail's lips and rushed to the bedroom. She opened her wardrobe and picked an outfit. She kept it casual, putting on a jeans and a bright red shirt. She applied some make-up and glanced in the mirror. She looked really tired. It hadn't been a great idea staying up all night, and it had been all for nothing since she wasn't going to show Gail her poor attempt at writing a poem.

"I hope you have found something you like." She strolled back into the living room, but when she reached the couch, she didn't find Gail sitting on it as she expected. Holly looked around the empty living room, frowning while thinking how odd it was the blonde officer wasn't there. She went to the kitchen, but the officer wasn't here either. Holly checked the cabinet where she kept Gail's cheesepuffs, or the "snack palace" as the officer liked to call it, yet all the packets were still there.

Holly was starting to panic a little, worrying the blonde officer might have left without saying a word, when she noticed the door to her study wasn't closed. She opened the door and saw her girlfriend sitting at her desk. Gail was shaking a little, shoulders trembling like she was crying. "Gail, what's wrong? Don't cry, honey." She walked over to the blonde and turned the chair around so she could look into her eyes. When Holly had turned her girlfriend around, she saw Gail was holding the poem she had written the previous night.

_Her eyes composed of brightest blue  
>are windows to the gentle soul<br>that faster than I ever knew  
>makes me feel I'm finally whole<em>

_Those pearls of passion, I've been told  
>will break me, tear my world apart<br>were even once described as cold  
>but light up, wake and warm my hart<em>

_Why don't they just try to see  
>the wondrous person there's behind<br>these blue gems, that gaze at me  
>like I'm the best that they could find<em>

_She looks at me with shining eyes  
>brighter than the stars above<br>and I see without disguise  
>a shade of blue I now call love<em>

Holly's hart sank to her feet. "You weren't supposed to read that", she said. "I know it's very bad, but Rachel told me a story about writing your feelings down so I thought I should try it. It's stupid, I know, I will throw it away, please don't cry." She pulled the scrap paper out of Gail's hands and turned to throw it in the trash but before she could do so Gail grabbed her wrist. Holly turned around to look at the blonde officer who was standing now very close to her. "Is that how you really feel about me?"  
>The pathologist blushed and fiddled with her glasses. "yeah, you have such amazing eyes. You are the most mesmerizing women I've ever met. You're gentle and kind, but you don't let a lot of people in. It makes me so sad to think other people have forced you to hide behind those walls. But you're so much more than the Gail you show to world. You're beautiful, inside and out."<p>

Tears were still streaming down Gail's face, who looked deeply into Holly's eyes. "I love you", Gail said. She smiled to herself like she hadn't realized the truth of it until she had spoken the words. "I love you so much, and that's the most beautiful poem I've ever read. Thank you." She cupped Holly's face and pulled her into a deep kiss.

Holly pulled away a little, panting heavily as their passionate kiss left them both breathless. "I love you too, Gail. More than I could ever explain to you." They gazed at each other for another moment until Holly closed the distance between their lips again. It was a slow burning passionate kiss full of promise, proving their love for each other. Gail looked into the doctor's eyes again with the most adoring smile and whispered: "It is true, you know, you are the best that I could find." Holly felt her hart melt. Rachel was right, sometimes it was best to write your feelings down.


End file.
